Revenge Of The Nerd

[pradeep8715]

Revenge Of The Nerd

Originally Written By:rpsuch



Chapter-27


I worked harder than ever for finals. I might as well. Jeff was completely immersed in studying.

Of course we were sleeping together so I did get in some nice cuddle time.

Sometimes we stayed awake together and that was pretty special too.

But what really stands out about the time is how hard we worked. And even though so much of our time was spent preparing, we were doing it together.

We had our individual books and papers and downloads but, somehow, we were a team. We prepared meals together; cleaned up together; rubbed each others' backs when they were getting tight; sat with his arms around me on the sofa when we took breaks together.

It was a revelation that we could build our togetherness while spending most of our time apart.

And then finals were upon us.

If I thought it was difficult for me, and I did, I can't even begin to imagine what it was like for Jeff.

Since he was lucky enough to have four courses in which the final was a paper he could write before finals week, he only had nineteen finals.

The school made special arrangements since some of his finals were as long as three hours and he needed time to eat and crisscross the campus.

I got to prepare some of my specialties that week for dinner - take out.

I was deliberately vague with my parents about when I finished and stayed at the apartment until Jeff finished his finals, and a few days beyond. Both of us needed the time to recuperate.

More important, I wanted to spend the time with him.

I don't know how he had found the time to do it, but he surprised me with tickets to a Broadway show. I protested his paying for them.

"You deserve it. You're the best girlfriend I've ever had," he said.

"I'm the only girlfriend you ever had."

"Q.E.D."

"What?"

"Quod erat demonstrandum. Sorry, it's Latin. It's typically used at the end of a mathematical proof. It means ‘as it was to be demonstrated or proved.' As my only girlfriend, you're clearly the best."

He took my hands in his.

"But just like a geometric postulate, it's clear to me I would come to the same conclusion no matter how many girlfriends I'd had, and no one could hope to do better than I have with you."

"Again, very romantic in the nerdiest way possible. How do you do it?"

"It's just how I feel. It comes -"

"I was joking. It's actually very endearing. Maybe I'm just learning to speak Nerd."

He took me to dinner before the show. He assured me he could afford it on what they were paying him for the summer.

We got back from New York pretty late and, young as we were, we were wiped. We started with a little bit of kissing but then we both fell asleep.

In the morning we were refreshed and he greeted me with that biological imperative we women have grown so fond of. God, I'm starting to sound like him.

We built it up nice and slow. There was still technique involved. But, mostly, it was wonderful because it was the two of us and how we felt about each other. Then he suggested I go cowgirl.

"It's a peculiar situation," he said. "Almost anything you do to a guy is great. It's really hard to mess it up. But girls are much more complicated.

"When we're in charge, we can make a pretty good guess at what will please you and usually do a pretty fair job. But we'll always make mistakes.

"However, when you're in charge, you can feel exactly what is working and make adjustments as they're needed. It's a lot like riding a horse in a race where the jockey has to make constant adjustments."

"How many horses have you ridden in races?" I asked.

"I read a book."

"Oh, you read a book. Who could possibly doubt your analogy? You did read that book on sex."

"Well, you know, there's -"

"Shut up! This is not a particularly arousing conversation. We can talk horse racing later."

Dr. Goldberg bowed to my superior logic. He let me take the reins. I rode him hard and put him away wet.

I wanted just a few more days before summer break. I couldn't exactly smuggle Jeff into my room and have him live at my house.

Could I?

My parents didn't take much notice of me, but they probably did take that much.



My reverie came to an abrupt end with a phone call from my Father. He knew my semester was over and expected me home. Then he dropped the bombshell. Well, it shouldn't have been a bombshell. I had just forgotten.

"You need to get home so you can prepare for the trip."

"We're going this year?"

"We go every year. Where is your head?"

"I just, I'm almost twenty-one. I didn't think I'd have to go."

"Of course you have to go. It's our family vacation; we do it together and you have to meet people. You certainly can't do that from here."

"But what if I don't want to go this year?"

"Don't be silly. You have to go. You love it."

"Okay. I'll start packing up here today and try to get out of here tomorrow or Sunday."

"Why would it take you that long to pack?"

"I have to clean the place up. I haven't had the time to do that with all the studying.

"I have to do the piled-up dishes, all the wash, floors, clean up generally; I wouldn't want to come back to that kind of mess in the fall."

But mostly I wanted to spend two more days with Jeff.

"I can send someone to do that."

"Come on, Dad. This is stuff I do all year. I just got behind during finals. I'll have plenty of time to get ready when I get home."

"All right, I'll see you Sunday."

How was I going to break this to Jeff?



"So you go away on a family trip every summer?" he asked.

That was easy. The next part wouldn't be.

"For a month."

"Damn. Maybe I can get some time to come up and see you."

"To Europe."

"Oh."

He was dejected. So was I; I just hid it better.

"I'll talk to my Father when I get home. Maybe I can talk him out of it."

"Well, I'll be pretty busy during the week anyway," Jeff said.

So they make him work nights too? If he can put up a brave front for me, I can put one up for him.

"This will be good. We'll get to find out how we feel about being apart."

That made no sense at all.

"Yeah. That will make it even better when you come back than if we were together the whole summer."

Weren't we pathetic? Or would it be more pathetic to moan and lament about how much we were going to miss each other?

"Well, we've got two days together here and more time at home before I go. Let's not waste it," I said.

The phone call had put a temporary damper on the hot and sweaty stuff so we got hot and sweaty by taking a long walk, his arm around my shoulder even though it was pretty warm out.

I pressed against him because I liked how it felt.

Campus was pretty deserted. It felt almost like a vacation on a tiny, isolated island.

We didn't talk much and at another time that would have been perfect. But my mind was going a mile a minute, filled with insecurities, with questions. How had I gone from a life I was so sure I wanted to a polar opposite?

Did I have enough of whatever it took to hold onto Jeff? What, exactly, did it take?

Would he get bored with me because I couldn't keep up with him? Was I the person he said I was, or was he seeing what he wanted to see?

This was so risky and scary and by far the most fulfilling thing I had ever done in my life. What would I do if I lost him? The very question filled me with such terror I trembled.

"Are you chilly?" He sounded incredulous.

"Don't be silly. It's too warm. I just had a muscle spasm."

Should I be sharing this with him? Would it make me less attractive to be recognized as so insecure? Would I be giving him more power over me? Would he always use it benevolently?

This went way beyond the calculations that had served me so well in other relationships. Find their weaknesses and use them to always stay in control.

I had no idea how to factor in anything with Jeff. Being seen as weak could be a strength; being strong, a weakness. Was being vulnerable a good thing or a bad thing? Maybe both.

I think he sensed that I was troubled. Maybe I'm just crediting him with superhuman powers.

When we go back, he put on one of his CDs, took me in his arms, and we danced on the wood floor in the dining room.

"Heaven. I'm in heaven, and my heart beats so that I can hardly speak. And I seem to find the happiness I seek when we're out together dancing cheek to cheek."

I don't know who was singing, but he had it right........................(27)


To Be Cont...............

[pradeep8715]

Revenge Of The Nerd

Originally Written By:rpsuch



Chapter-28


The next two days were like being on a honeymoon. We put all our focus on being together. We ate meals out. We didn't do laundry or dishes. We made love.

We went to a movie. We took walks. We played Scrabble - once. Never again will I allow someone to so thoroughly humiliate me at a game.

He even let me take him to a club where I knew the bouncer so we didn't need fake id, which was good because Jeff didn't have any.

It was very generous on his part. I could see him trying to pretend to have a good time for me.

He found the music "energizing" but he looked worn out when he finished saying it.

The people were "friendly" but he made no attempt to talk to anyone.

The whole evening was "a lot of fun" but I could see the thinly disguised panic in his eyes.

He really tried not to let me know how awful it was for him. It was incredibly sweet.

One thing I knew for sure: he could never lie to me. He did insincerity so badly.

I began to see some of why this might not be fun for him. It was too loud to talk effectively. People were trying to impress each other with their clothing, their drinking and their dancing. Their faces took on masks of enjoyment for each others' consumption just like Jeff's was for mine.

I enjoy dancing around with complete freedom. But it doesn't compare to dancing cheek to cheek.

I loved walking around during the day hand in hand. I loved leaning against him as we watched the little ducks follow their moms by the pond.

A honeymoon is a time when you pretend the rest of the world is irrelevant and all that is important is the two of you and your immediate pleasures. This was a make-pretend honeymoon, but why should that be spoiled by one more level of make pretend?

On Sunday we had to pack and the mood was spoiled. My packing was relatively minimal. I would be back here in the fall and I could leave whatever I wanted. Then we faced what to do about Jeff's stuff.

We knew I would be back, but was it 100% certain that he would return? What might happen during the summer that could change that?

"I think you should take your stuff, Jeff. If I have room to take it home now, I'll have room to bring it back in the fall. You never know."

"What don't you know?" he asked.

"What could happen."

"What could happen? Are you unsure about us?"

"No. Not even a little bit. But, you know, stuff happens you don't plan on."

"I see. So if my parents bought a vacation cabin, my dad should bring his stuff home when they leave because, you know, stuff happens you don't plan on."

"That's not the same thing. That's unfair," I said.

"What's going on? Do you think you don't deserve it or something?"

"I don't know. I just have a foreboding. We don't have any formal commitment or anything, you know. Anything could happen."

He took a deep breath. I think that's why his tone was calm instead of agitated.

"Have you ever heard of divorce?"

It was rhetorical; he didn't wait for an answer.

"People make a formal commitment. Based on it they have children. They acquire property and debts. And then more than half of them dissolve the formal commitment.

"In the final analysis, if you're committed to a relationship, the formality or legality of it should not be enough to deter you from doing what you believe in.

"I say: assume we're not getting divorced. If the unlikely occurs, we'll figure out how to deal with it. I'm committed to being in this place with you again in a few months."

I conceded the argument with an embrace.

We left some of his stuff in the drawers and in the closet.

When he wasn't looking, I snuck one of his unwashed InTime shirts into my suitcase. I wanted to be able to smell him while we were apart.

A week later I got a last-minute surprise. I got to tell my parents I was going to graduation; I had some friends to support and it had slipped my mind.

I did have some friends to support, but Jeff had forgotten his family would want to go. His 4.00 average was sending him to grad school in the fall. The school had rushed his grades because the possibility of his graduating had previously been unanticipated.

Just a few days later I would find out I had earned a 4.00 as well.

I told my parents I wanted to make the trip leisurely and, since I had nothing planned except packing for Europe, I would be spending a few days at school.

Jeff just told his folks he'd be spending a few days at school without bothering to supply an explanation. Even his sister knew why he was taking the extra time.

When I picked him up that removed any possibility of subterfuge.

Jeff met me at the door and I really couldn't wait. I put my arms around him and leaned in for one of those delicious kisses. Just as important was to revel in his aroma: the scent of his soap, his shampoo, the laundry detergent his mother used and a scent that was unique to his skin underneath it all.

Sometimes there was the added bite of his perspiration. I didn't know if Jeff was reveling in the Ashley fragrance, but he was content to just hold me close as we shifted position now and then.

"I don't even know what to say. I don't know exactly what it is you two are enjoying so much, but it is very sweet." Sunny beamed.

It was sweet. Neither of us felt any urgency to stop in front of an audience. Eventually we felt we had refreshed our connection sufficiently to hold us over until we got to school, and we left.

It was a delight to spend the time together. It didn't matter to me what we were doing. Well, I did mention some preferences now and then without pressing the matter. I wanted to try something new.

I felt the compulsion to drag him into bed and make love with him until there was only time left for him to shower, dress and rush to the graduation exercises at the last moment.

But I thought of something that might be even better: I waited.

We went out for a leisurely dinner. I insisted we walk around town rather than return home immediately. Finally, I agreed to return home. When we walked in he grabbed me and started toward the bedroom.

I objected.

"What's the problem?" He sounded like a petulant child.

"I want to watch some TV."

It was casual, as if I had nothing in particular on my mind and this seemed a harmless diversion.

"What's on that's so important?"

"I don't know. Do we have a TV page?"

"You don't even know what's on, but you know that what you want to do is watch TV?"

His tone had changed abruptly. He had figured it out. He was a savant after all. His whole demeanor, his body language changed as well. No longer the petulant child, he was the playful puppy.

"I think we get Home Shopping on 33. Maybe they have some good knick knacks."

He had taken control of the game so easily, but I was up to the task.

"No. I think I want to watch something on Lifetime. Maybe they have something that will put me in the mood to get romantic with you later. You never know. You might get lucky."

He shrugged his shoulders.

"No big deal. If it doesn't work, I think I have my travel Scrabble with me. We can play until we get tired and turn in."

He succeeded admirably at sounding bored. But disinterested was a performance at which I had many years of practice and there was no way he could beat me at that game.

And so we played.

We both feigned lack of interest while trading repartee through a whole numbing evening of Lifetime reruns of movies with three-word titles. It could have been called Our Playful Evening.

At least it should have been numbing. I was simmering. Then I moved to a slow boil and by the 11:00 News it was a rolling boil.

By the way he was fidgeting I was pretty sure he was in the same condition. I wanted to take a sharp knife and slice his clothes off right there on the couch. But I didn't. I managed to maintain my control.

He stretched.

I scratched my head.

The weather came on at around 11:15. The next few days were going to be very pleasant.

Inside it was hot and steamy.

I laugh now at our obstinacy. Neither of us wanted to lose. But even to lose meant getting to enjoy the pleasure we could barely restrain ourselves from starting.

That didn't help. We sat through sports and the final amusing story, whatever it was, because I certainly wasn't paying attention. I was thinking of his smell, his taste. I moaned involuntarily.

"Excuse me?" he said.

"I, just had a muscle spasm in my back. Nothing to worry about."

"Oh. Okay."

"Leno, Letterman or Nightline?" I asked.

We had real issues to discuss.

"Doesn't matter."

"I think we might want to consider a compromise here."

I was only offering the possibility. I had not lost by speaking first.

"Which one is the compromise?" he asked.

"None of them."

"So you're suggesting?"

"Hey, you're the man. You have the remote."

He hesitated before he picked it up, held it in his hand as if really making a decision and turned off the set.

We both dashed for the bedroom, shedding clothes along the way.

The first time was not going to be a feast to be savored. We had allowed ourselves to become far too hungry.

We went at each other with a frenzy, interrupted several times when we burst into uncontrollable laughter based, I assume, on the incongruity of the endless foreplay where we did nothing for hours followed by a brief flurry of activity where we tried to make up for everything we could have done in all that time had either of us been willing to give in.

Thanks to the recuperative powers of youth that did not put an end to our evening. It was completely different from our first session. But it was also unlike the delicious feasts Jeff had shown me in the beginning.

It was slow, extended, done with great care. But it lacked the technical design. The approach was essentially the same. The care we took was essentially the same. But the connection was emotional more than it was physical.

When I would kiss a spot, I would be acutely aware of the taste, the smell, the texture, the heat, sometimes even the sound. I would think of the person I had become, was becoming, wanted to become, because of knowing the man whose skin tingled against my lips.

Sometimes I would notice a meaningful reaction. He would make a throaty moan when I gently kissed the bottom of his neck where it joined his shoulder.

I'm sure he noticed those things as well because he would visit my hot spots much more frequently than would be expected by mere chance. In fact, those were his exact words. You didn't think I was starting to talk like that, did you?

When we finished that night, I felt like what it must feel like to run a marathon. I was high on endorphins and had exhausted my body's available supply of energy. If there had been a fire, he would have had to carry me out.

When I awoke, he was in the kitchen making breakfast, judging from the aroma.

I was relaxed, content, and so happy that I wanted to share it with the world. That's what gave me the idea. I picked up the phone and made a quick call before I dressed, scantily though it was, for breakfast. I didn't want him to think the honeymoon was over.

When the hearty breakfast was over, I led him back to the bedroom. I wanted to wring one more orgasm from him while we still had the chance.........................(28)


To Be Cont..............

[pradeep8715]

Revenge Of The Nerd

Originally Written By:rpsuch



Chapter-29


It turned out to be two. He was still just eighteen years old and, my goodness, he was graduating from college in two days.

While he was resting, I saw the look in his eyes. He thought his age would provide him with yet another opportunity before dinner. I disabused him of that notion.

"I called your mom this morning."

"Really? What did she say? What did you say? What am I missing?"

"I asked her to put Sandy on a bus so we could show her around, away from the adults."

Most guys would have been pretty annoyed by the imposition of a case of ED - erectile deferral. I didn't expect that would be the case, but I was surprised by his reaction.

He shook his head slowly and then took me in his arms.

"You are absolutely amazing. I didn't think of it but you did. You have no idea how amazing you are."

His voice had the wonder and awe of a boy about to plunge headlong into his first crush over Miss First or Second-Grade teacher, the astonishment of that first time seeing a magician pull a long train of knotted handkerchiefs from his empty hand.

I have a very good idea how much I blushed. I felt the heat on my skin all the way down my legs.

It was still so hard to believe. I was used to being Ashley the aloof, the self-centered. No matter what I did, no matter how many times I received praise for something other than my looks, there was a small twinge of doubt it was real; a fear the old Ashley would return.

But she wasn't returning this evening. We drove to the bus station and sat on a bench holding hands and grinning stupidly.

We didn't have to keep a lookout for Sandy. We heard her squealing as she came at us like a missile. She made contact with me first and when she let go, jumped up and down a couple times and jumped onto Jeff, wrapping her legs around his waist.

She was expressing her excitement but she was so wired that, even though it was intelligible, unless you listened carefully, it sounded quite a bit like gibberish.

One of Jeff's more annoying, and endearing, habits was starting to rub off on me. He analyzed everything.

I was analyzing more and more. I particularly took note of the incredible feeling of elation I experienced because Sandy was so excited to be here with us, to be included as someone with whom we wanted to share our experience.

As much as I had felt the excitement of giving the Goldbergs and the Marcuses, Sam and Harri, their Chanukah presents, and though this wasn't a gift in the traditional sense, I acutely felt the truth of a phrase I once thought a mealy-mouthed rationalization: It is better to give than to receive. I couldn't imagine any gift I could be given that would make me feel this good. For once there was no twinge of doubt.

We took Sandy to a nice dinner and walked around town for about half an hour before returning to our place. I made coffee for Sandy and me, but Jeff stuck with Cherry Coke.

Rather than watch TV, we sat down for a game of Scrabble. Perhaps with Sandy's help, we could slow him down.

I don't think it shows a lack of modesty when I say I am a very smart person, extremely well read with an extensive vocabulary. Sandy is nothing short of brilliant.

After the first game Jeff was barred from ever playing Scrabble with us again.

We allowed him to join in the conversation, but we were damned if we were going to let him make any more seven-letter, triple-word-score words.

He wandered off after a few games. I think he was hurt not to be included although he denied it. But I could see it in his eyes. I don't know if it was pride, chivalry or simple denial.

He said he was going to read a book.

This gave me a chance to bond with my "little sister." She was amazed her parents had let her take three days off of school.

I wasn't. She had never gotten any grade other than "A" in her entire school career, with the exception of Physical Education.

Her face took on a dreamlike quality.

"I love the way you guys are with each other. You love Jeff so much, but he's absolutely stupid for you."

That was wonderful to hear from an outside observer.

"What's the difference between so in love and absolutely stupid?"

"Well, I never thought about it. I guess it's like Justice Potter Stewart's opinion trying to define pornography. I can't define it, but I know it when I see it."

"You're fifteen. What do you know about porn?"

"Please. Let me think."

And she did. I just wasn't sure about what.

"You love Jeff but you keep something in reserve. I don't know what it is, but you do.

"You think he's the greatest and you have no doubt you love him, but something's there. You'll have to figure it out.

"Jeff, on the other hand, holds nothing back. He's working without a net. If you did something, even accidentally, to hurt him, he'd be crushed. He doesn't believe it's possible. It would mean his whole way of thinking was wrong.

"If he did something to hurt you, it would be bad and, yeah, you'd feel devastated. But somewhere in the back of your mind, you know it's possible.

"He's so stupid for you he doesn't even recognize the possibility. So, I guess that's how I'd define them, for now."

"Wow."

I should stop saying that. I should stop being so amazed at the things people in this family say and their insights. She was dead on. He didn't think it was possible. I knew it was.

"That's really unfair. It puts an incredible burden on me. Shit."

"I guess it is and I guess it does."

Then she went dreamy on me.

"But isn't it fabulous to have somebody love you that much?"

"I guess it's a blessing and a curse."

But was it a burden beyond the strength of Hercules? Would the pressure continue to build until I was no longer able to handle it? Would I do something to destroy the relationship just to relieve the pressure?

Maybe this is why people go through so many "loves" before they start to figure out how to handle all the difficulties.

We moved on to less scary topics. We talked until after 1:00. Then we hugged like real sisters probably don't, at least not very often........................(29)



To Be Cont...............

[pradeep8715]

Revenge Of The Nerd

Originally Written By:rpsuch



Chapter-30



Jeff was asleep.

I snuggled in beside him and it woke him up. He turned to me, took me in his arms and kissed me. It started out as an it's-nice-to-have-you-here kiss, but the level of passion increased rapidly.

"Not with your sister in the next room."

"I know. I wasn't thinking of that. I was just thinking of how happy I am to have you here with me."

Great. It was a blessing and a curse.

The relationship would fall apart within days if I kept thinking about how bad it was that it was so good.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I lied.

"I can feel it. Your body tensed up in a something's-wrong way."

"You can't possibly tell that just from holding me."

But I knew he could. So I told him about my conversation with Sandy and my fears.

"It's a triumph of hope over reason. I've never been seriously hurt by someone I trust. If it happens, I won't be a virgin anymore. I'll learn to deal with it. I just won't have my innocence intact."

And that was it.

My body relaxed and he chuckled, his point confirmed. He would learn to deal with it. He would be okay.

I would try to avoid it, but it didn't have to drain all my energy.

We walked around the campus.

We had coffee at the Student Union even though it was nowhere near as good as what we could have gotten at Starbucks. This place had ambience. Okay, it had an authentic college feel and that was more important to Sandy.

We went food shopping so that after dinner we could make our own desserts: big, nasty sundaes with nuts, jimmies, chocolate syrup, maraschino cherries and Jeff and I had bananas.

It took a lot longer to make them than to eat them, though we did try to savor what could not possibly be mistaken for a delicacy.

We turned in after the 11:00 news. His family would be here in the morning.

Graduation was no big deal to Jeff, but it was to his family so he gathered the appropriate level of enthusiasm to make them happy.

I watched the way he did it and his attitude. It wasn't a task he resented. It certainly wasn't something that was expected. He did it because it gave him joy to make them happy.

Sandy was so thrilled to have been included by us that it spilled over when the family arrived into unbridled enthusiasm to see them. Everybody was delighted to see everybody.

Sam and Harri took me aside to tell me of their week-long wagon train adventure. Harri told me that, even though it was almost as far from luxurious as possible, it felt like a second honeymoon to them, despite the fact that they had already taken a second honeymoon, and a third.

Listening to them gave me hope. They had been together for over 40 years and were clearly devoted to each other, maybe even stupid in love.

Sam picked up a few authentic trail recipes and promised to showcase them for me. I experienced the joy of giving all over again.

Louis was kind of warm and friendly if still a bit awkward. He was clearly sincere, he just wasn't that comfortable expressing it. He was an enigma. It would probably take a long time get to know him.

Sunny was the essence of loving. If a picture is worth a thousand words, the way she hugged you and the noises and rubs that accompanied it were worth an entire chapter.

We headed to the stadium. No other place on campus had nearly enough room to accommodate friends and family. We were fortunate to have a pleasant day topping out at 72 degrees with very few clouds in the sky.

The graduates numbered nearly three thousand and we didn't expect to hear Jeff's name in the ceremony. His grades would have made him valedictorian, but he wasn't even really in this class and the deal to allow him to graduate had been made within the last few weeks. So we were surprised to hear his name announced as recipient of a newly created full scholarship for grad school.

His parents and grandparents were delighted to hear this, but Sandy was busting at the seams at the laudatory mention of her big brother. Somehow, I didn't think my graduation would be like this.

I watched Sunny and Louis. He didn't verbalize much. I saw not only the way he treated her, but his body language, the way he looked at her. It didn't take a detective to figure out how she felt about him. I logged another reason for hope. Sunny and Louis took us all to a lovely dinner and returned home with Sam, Harri and Sandy, giving Jeff and me another day to be together.

I could say we put it to good advantage, but anything we did together seemed to be putting the time to good advantage. It was not only faith that led me to believe I could find my way to stupid.

I saw Jeff some nights and every weekend before I left. It was wonderful, but it wasn't the same as living together.

When I went to the hamper, never did I find a pair of boxers that didn't quite make it in.

When I woke up in the morning, there was no warm Jeff-smelling body to snuggle against. No cheek to cheek on demand before the chest to chest.

We did those things, but it wasn't the same.

I even missed finding the lid up on the toilet seat, though perhaps it was the nostalgia of finding it up I missed rather than the reality.

I missed these things even more as my departure drew closer.

We made plans. I thought I had done an effective job of keeping any knowledge of Jeff's existence from my parents. I didn't want them being surprised by a phone call from America.

Email and IM should provide an effective way to contact each other. I gave Jeff our address outside of London just in case, but I didn't think he would have any need to use it.

I packed early so no one would have to bother me to get ready the night before we left. I took Jeff home a little before six in the morning. Even if I could have persuaded my father to let me find my own way to the airport, Jeff couldn't take me there. As far as my parents knew, he didn't exist.

I snuck away to say goodbye on my cell. He took the opportunity to play.

"So, are you bringing any good books with you?" he asked.

"On a trip to Europe? I may have other things to do. There are so many handsome young men there."

"You're going to fall behind in book points."

"Hey, I can give you a run for your money. I know you read lots of technical stuff, but I may read even more novels than you."

"Not with all the time you're going to be spending chasing after those handsome young men."

"Ashley Fine does not chase men of any description."

There was a lull. I don't think either of us wanted to say, "I'm going to miss you."

Whether it was because it was something real or because I was in serious need of some rationalization, I began to look on the trip as an opportunity to see how I handled myself without Jeff.

My reasoning, or rationalization, was that I was relying too much on being with Jeff to supply my happiness. Time away would give me an opportunity to develop a better sense of who I was now and what was important to me.

When we lifted off, I watched the ground recede and felt a profound sense of emptiness. It had not just been a rationalization..........................(30)



To Be Cont.............

[boxer_champ]

I would love this story book in German or French.